Piercings, tattoos, scars: self-mutilation ?
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No, this is not a “how-to” guide. Just a collection of reflections I have had of late.
It started with a sudden desire to have a new piercing. Without having decided where, I wanted a new one. So badly.
Instead of rushing to a piercing studio, I stopped for a while and took the time to think about that sudden urge. Why ? What caused me to feel that desire ?
I had to look back to the past to find a clue. I already have one piercing (right eyebrow). What made me have it ?
I was about 18 years old and I just got dumped (the word is actually well chosen) by my first girlfriend. I was in a really bad mental condition. At that time I needed to do something for myself. Like self-affirmation. The idea of having a piercing had already occurred to me several times before that but I never made the step.
Having no risk disappointing anyone with my physical appearance, I wanted something visible, something that tells: “I have suffered” or “I am suffering”. Because I was never taught how to speak my emotions, the piercing was a way to make a link between my damaged soul and the physical word. I can see that like: “My soul hurts, so I need to feel physical pain to communicate the suffering to the outside world.”
Here I had a first clue for the answer to “Why do I want a piercing ?”. By comparison of my recent experiences, I think that my new desire originated from the same causes: trying to express an unspeakable suffering.
That reflection also made me understand why I liked piercings and tattoos so much. I see them as scars from the soul displayed on the body. So I see pierced or/and tattooed people as human beings whose bodies are telling a story. Maybe in their cases the story is not pain or suffering, but they tell something. I see stories, beautiful bodies (and I find it sexy), things that stir up my imagination.
I haven’t had any new piercing for the moment. For one time, understanding why I wanted one so much lifted my desire. But now it has come back. I think I will do it anyway, although I don’t know yet where it will be. Probably nowhere near the face I guess.