Here it goes again.
Same old, same old…
I feel like I have been through this before, not a long time ago.
I want a piercing again.
So, what does that mean ? And why am I not simply doing it anyway ? Why do I have to ask myself those questions ?
The thing is that I feel like my body or mind is trying to tell me something I do not understand. Or do not want to.
To me piercings are body decorations, that is the obvious way to see them. At a more personal level they also have at least one other meaning. Piercings are part of a self-affirmation process. They were to me.
Going one step further, I can also say that piercings are a way of controlling one’s appearance. We do not control our body. But piercings (and also tattoos) are a way to alter the body. Although it is only in surface, there is a part of my body that I can control even if only partially.
That control comes to the price of pain and also extra care of the body (to avoid infections and further pain). Taking care of oneself is not really a negative aspect. What about pain ?
I think that pain is also part of what makes me want to have another piercings. I feel ill-at-ease. I think I do not like my body that much. The pain and piercing are both a way to express that feeling and to change that state so that I gain a little more control over my body.
If you allow me a little exaggeration, pain can also be seen as a way to make my body suffer. That part of me that I do not like and also makes me suffer.
I am indeed quite complicated and over-thinking.