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April 18, 2017 / edwardonbebop

A Claim

Voices from the past whispering
loudly in my head.
Things I have to do,
Things I should do
Things I cannot do,
Things that are
forbidden.

Anger was not allowed thus it became
Something else
Little by little.
Unspeakable.

People claiming to know me
Do not understand
Why I seem unable
To let go of the past
While I am happily
Leaving it behind:
Oblivion.

Resurgences of the past cannot be helped.

People inflicted this on me,
Life inflicted this on me.
Life was inflicted on me.
Unfairness was not acceptable
As a concept.
There always was
A reason to be found
behind it.
Could even be chaos.

Unfairness exists.
It tells about anger,
About sorrow.
About me.

I am angry at you
Who gave me life.
I am angry at you
Who was not part of it.
I am angry at you
Who laughed at my feelings.

I am angry at myself
who somehow turned out
To become what others wanted
To see
To show
To own.

I am angry at you
Who made me build a shell
So thick
Nobody
Nothing
could penetrate.

I am angry at you life,
I never asked for you.
But now I am facing you.

You say you do not owe me,
I will prove you wrong.

I will prove you that you cannot
Decide for myself.
I will prove you that you owe me
At least one chance
To fix myself.

You are in my debt
And I claim it.

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3 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. edwardonbebop / Apr 18 2017 9:02 pm

    Just words without specific rhythm or anything.
    I may return to it in the future.

  2. leeniedevinity / Apr 18 2017 9:31 pm

    Except for a couple of spots, I think it has a very good rhythm. I can hear it when I read the words … quasi angry … very like the rhythm of rap music.

    • edwardonbebop / Apr 18 2017 9:50 pm

      Thank you.
      So far my idea of rhythm is mostly splitting long sentences into shorter ones.
      I am not unhappy with the result, especially as I could not spend as much time on it as I would have loved.

      I think I would have liked it to be a little more “abstract” as well. I have no idea how to do that (yet).

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