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July 1, 2017 / edwardonbebop

Another other design

My home was rickety
So I ruined it
And dug deep down
To the foundations
In order to destroy them.

I had found a more secure structure
For my new foundations.
With vim had I started
The new construction work
And had been making good progress.

Then the Architect addressed me
In the most sibylline way,
Sparkling doubt.
I came to a stop
And looked at what I had built.

Suddenly the whole structure
Made no sense to me,
Like pieces of a puzzle
Arranged in an unintended way
Giving illusion of completeness
As it could in truth
Be even more fragile than before.

I am about to take it all down,
All my newly accomplished work,
But I can’t resolve to do so,
As I have no new design
For my foundations.
So I sit down in the dirt
And cry.



Leave a Comment
  1. edwardonbebop / Jul 1 2017 9:18 pm

    It is barely edited but it is the variation I was looking for in regards to my previous attempt (which was also barely edited).
    However imperfect, I am still happy with the result. Even more so as it could be a response to another of my poetry attempt.

  2. leeniedevinity / Jul 2 2017 6:07 pm

    With a little editing, these are easily submittable. Perhaps a winter project?

    • edwardonbebop / Jul 2 2017 7:53 pm

      Could be. However I have to admit that I think I reached certain limits.
      I know that in this post, I probably messed everything with inappropriate use of tenses (my conjugation is lacking).
      Moreover I don’t know what “editing” exactly means, so the only thing I do when I “edit” is read, rework awkward words, simplify, repeat (which I haven’t done much here).

      I feel like I cannot go further without better English skills. 😦

  3. leeniedevinity / Jul 4 2017 4:33 pm

    Nothing so major! Your English skills are very good. The message is clear, even with the occasional issue with tense. You’re a natural, Adrien. Don’t be afraid to be kind to yourself.

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